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Monday, July 7

I wish she had just cheated on me!

It was late. The clock on my wall showed 11.00. I am not really a clock person, I don't keep time and I do cool things like that. But this clock was special, this was a gift from Ish, after our third official date. 'Because you're never on time, take this.' She gave me the clock she had in her room.

It was late and she hadn't called yet. She had gone to this night-club tonight to celebrate one of her friend's birthday. I was invited. I didn't want to go. Lots of homework to do. And last night I and Ish had gotten into this huge fight and she said I was stupid and she wanted nothing to do with me. I decided to ignore her for some time. I had to call home as well. My mom freaks out if I don't talk to her every once in a while. That is really sweet to be honest to have someone care for you without any pretense, but it also annoys me sometimes. It had been a week since I last spoke with her, the week that unfortunate incident happened. Ish had come over to my flat and was staying the night. Mom overheard her on the phone. Things got awkward because Mom didn't really anticipate a girl in my apartment singing love songs to me while making moaning sounds. I don't know. I sometimes fear she’s on the train already, to surprise me. I’d call her tonight to check up on that. About Ish’s staying in my apartment, before you start judging me, we have this ritual. When we'd argue, more often than not Ish would lose control and start with her fuck you’s and what an insecure little bitch I was. She’d tell me she was wasting her time with me. This all didn’t really feel nice and to be honest it hurt a lot in the beginning. But as I began to understand her a little better, I realised she never meant all those things. She said them to have the upper hand in our fights. Also, after having her share of regret of saying those hurtful things, she'd come over to my place to stay the night. All forgiven in the morning, justifiably so. I was willing to let fights go, if I kept on getting some action. A healthy bargain never hurt anybody. I’d not deny if you asked me whether I provoked her at times to say those mean things. And because Ish lost control over what she spoke last night as well, I was waiting for her to come over.

Saturday, February 1

When his parents died, he ceased to exist!

He had what we generally term as chronic pain. His back ache had become a part of his new life. Whatever he did, wherever he was, he always talked about his back ache. It got repetitive after a while but no one really said him so. After all, both his parents had just died few weeks ago.

He had a little sister, who he didn’t talk to at all, not even about his chronic ever-lasting back ache. She was 14.   

They lived in a two storied home with their relatives, father’s brother’s family. Uncle had been very kind to them, provided the whole upper floor for the two of them or I should say one of them, because he was never seen. They were concerned about him and the little girl, and it showed but it was tragic how he missed all of that.

No one really knew when he was home and when he wasn’t. He walked like a shadow, quiet and cold, pale and white. His eyes seemed to be distant and forlorn; his shoulders seemed to carry the weight of the whole world. With his parents, his spirits had also left it seemed. He just talked about his back pain all the time. He kept on muttering it under his breath, ‘Oh! The pain! My back’, he’d say. His one hand was always massaging his back, although not really in any productive manner. His one hand was always there, while taking a bath, while eating, while smoking cigarettes. Cigarettes after cigarettes, cigarettes after cigarettes. Even after he left the room, the smell lingered. You could smell the poison that was reeking up his lungs, destroying it bits by bits every second. Whenever he said anything, you could see tiny puffs of smoke coming out of his mouth. His voice always choked and some words always got lost. But he kept repeating like a cassette gone bad, ‘Oh! The Pain! My back!’ She offered him help, she asked him if she wanted her to fix a doctor’s appointment, ‘now I can, I just have to ring up this number’ but he never replied, he never looked at his sister who claimed she could fix an appointment with the doctors now right from her phone.

Saturday, January 25

Xavotsav 2014- Annual Cultural Fest of St. Xavier's College!

There are voices playing in my head, I can still hear them screaming, ‘where are the PR sheets?!’, ‘Inform all the reps for the time and venue change’, ‘I’ve sent my OC to collect the Events list’, ‘why haven’t the judges score sheet reached yet?’, 'this is not how it happens in St. Xavier's College!' ‘where are all the volunteers!’, ‘Bhaiya, give me some work!’ These voices are so distinct and so clear that I can picture the faces saying them, all the super pretty faces that I could’ve punched out of frustration.

The desk is in total chaos, there are far too many people standing there without any idea of the work they have to do, asking, frowning, asking again and there are more people rushing in, asking for lists we haven’t made yet, asking for participants that haven’t arrived yet, asking for food that isn’t even our department, and asking us to shut the fuck up because we’re partial and we didn’t give them the slot they wanted, the slot that they so rightly deserved!  

Tuesday, January 14

I quit smoking three times today!

Cigarette, the minute I mention it to someone, they go crazy. ‘You smoke?!!? That’s so stupid and irresponsible. How can you smoke?! You will die.’ Almost everyone says this same gibberish. There’s just too much negative publicity smoking gets. Everywhere you go you can see people giving you sermons about smoking and its dreadful results, ‘you’ll get cancer’, ‘you’re going to get killed’, ‘don’t stand in front of me and smoke, I am the most pious person and I consume only the freshest oxygen and I drink water that comes directly from the Gangotari’.

Smoking sure kills and I have no facts to prove otherwise, no motives as well. But you know what the deal is, rash driving kills, unhygienic food kills, stunts on bikes kill, being irresponsible kills, messing with the wrong people kills, drowning kills, crossing the road like a dimwit kills, cancer kills, sharks kill, a coconut falling on the head kills, heart attack kills, everything kills. We are all slowly and steadily decaying anyway. Soon, we will be set on pyres or cremated or just left out in the cold with nothing to look forward to in blissful peace and tranquility. We all are going to be there someday, maybe I, a smoker, would go some years ahead. But don’t make the mistake of thinking you’re doing something better with your life just by not smoking. I have seen people get drunk and create a ruckus and when I offer them a smoke, they refuse with that polite smile of their all-knowing self, ‘Vineet yaar, I don’t smoke, it’s not good for our health.’ Right! 

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