Saturday, September 14

An Application to the Lawmakers of this Country!

The Lawmakers,
Where there’re no hardships,

Subject: Enquiry related to the delivery of the gift when I turned eighteen.

Respected Sirs,

I would like to bring to your notice that I have still not received my gift for the eighteenth birthday that you supposedly send to everyone the night they turn eighteen. I have made all the related enquiries; I have asked my parents if they found it and hid it/lost it/re-gifted it, I have asked my elder brother if he has taken mine thinking it was his (he will send you the same application once you reply to this), and I have made an investigation with the Post Office as well, but to no avail.

The saddest part of it is we have no idea how this package is supposed to look and what its content are going to be. My niece, who is going to turn fourteen in fifteen days, made me believe with all her cute looks and sweet voice that I am a reckless fellow, and I might have lost the present. She makes sense you know? She is the one who gave me the idea to write this letter to you, she’s more scared than I am with the way things are going. She is so mature for her age, that I sometimes wonder if she has taken it herself.

Could you please tell me how this package and its content are? Do we get a pill, a medicine, maybe syrup thingy or is it something else entirely that we normal folks are not aware of? If it is a medicine, then please give us a name so we could get it from the nearest chemist. Compounder in my area has said, they get no such pills, but I think he’s lying to me, because he is an honest man, and he needs a prescription. It would be really helpful if you could send us an attested photo of the prescription at least, it it’s a pill, so we can start off with our search.

My parents are worried because it’s been more than two years since I turned eighteen and I have still not turned responsible. I have constantly blamed it on the magic pill, the lack of it. They are adamant, they believe, unlike me and you that age does not really decide how one thinks and matures, they believe there are a lot of other more important factors at play. My father said something related to something to explain some irony that I simply can’t recall at this moment. But worry not about that, I am sure that was irrelevant. I am totally on your side and I have almost convinced them that I will be mature the moment I take that pill or whatever you people have invented. I am sure I will be.

Kindly respond to this as early as possible. If you’re sure, you have skipped sending me the package earlier due to excess demands (our generation certainly needs a lot of these pills); do send it again on my 21st birthday which is coming in 15 days.

Thanking you,
Sincerely yours,
A person who believes crimes have very little to do with age.

PS: Oh! My father had said, ‘One good thing about our country India is, you can’t have your driving license and raping license at the same time’ I told you it’s irrelevant, to you

indian laws

(photo by: Amit Digga, in picture: Dilip Digga. On a lighter note, I guess the photo kind of makes it obvious we really need some pills)

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